The 12 Laws of Girl Code

I was young and naive once, assuming every gal knew, believed, and followed the unspoken, unwritten, but seemingly-obvious rules of girl code. But as Voltaire once said, “common sense is not so common.” With time, as I’ve gotten older, I realized a brutal truth: Voltaire’s words still apply — especially regarding Girl Code.

What is Girl Code, you ask? It’s sort of like the Holy Bible of Womanhood, a (not-so) common-sense guide to living with respect and decency for yourself and your fellow lady-friends.

But despite the name, these rules are for all persons, regardless of gender/sexual orientation, on how to be a good friend/person. Without further ado – let us dive into the laws of the Girl Code.

Law 1. Thou shall not go after [Person] if your friend has cried over [Person].

That’s just messed up.

Law 2. Thou shall never go after friend’s Ex or Crush.

That’s more messed up.

Law 3. Thou shan’t post ugly pictures of her on social media.

No one cares how good you look in the photo. If you’re unsure whether she’ll be okay with it, ask her first.

Law 4. If thou’s close guy friend has a (new) GF, thou must make every effort to be sure his new GF doesn’t see you as a threat.

Listing all of the fun times you’ve had with her new BF is a bad move.

Law 5. If thou is carrying a tampon/pad and a girl is in need, hand it over.

No one wants to be in that position. Plus, who knows, perhaps you’ll receive some good karma later.

Law 6. If your friend is over the bowl from a night out, thou helps.

Or get on the same level. (Sarcasm.)

Law 7. Thou must kindly and quietly gesture when something is in her teeth.

Key word is quietly.

Law 8. If your friend throws a party and not many people show up, thou stays. Thou has a good f***ing time.


Law 9. If thou is with your friend and her crush, do everything you possibly can to make her look good.

Embody the ultimate Hype Woman.

Law 10. If thou’s friend will be meeting up with her crush and you are with her, thou shan’t upstage her.

Put the stripper shoes away and button up your shirt.

Law 11. Thou must never look better than the bride at her wedding.

Doesn’t matter if it’s Bridezilla or the Queen. Don’t.

Law 12. Story time: in line with a friend to go into a bar., I was standing behind a girl in front of me whose bra tag was sticking out of her dress. My friend politely, without asking permission, tucked it back in for her. The girl turned around and said thanks so nonchalantly. I asked my friend if she knew her. She said no, but we gotta keep the ladies looking good.

TL;DR: thou tucks her tag in please.

That’s all I have, ladies. Class is dismissed.

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